Happy What?
by Sugahlei
Summary: Oneshot sortarandom ficlet! Yay! Naruto's naivity and Sasuke...well. Sasuke should never drink. ever. XD NaruSasu duh.


**Happy…what?**

**---  
**one-shot

**Rated M** – Naru/Sasu with mentions of naughty-stuff, language, etc. Enjoy. They ain't mine or they'd do this everyday.Late birthday celebrations…will lead to drunken couch-flipping…  
Do you have to ask?  
---

Naruto never celebrated his birthdays on the day of his birth. Aside from certain people, no one really knew why and no one bothered to ask; Naruto usually grinned and shrugged it off to being 'busy'. It didn't matter; within a few months of it, four, maybe six, Naruto always threw some sort of party or invited everyone he could to the bar despite only being a minor himself.

This year was no different. The day of his seventeenth came and went without notice and the following spring, Naruto showed up in the bar, half his friends in tow and the rest promising to show up later.

What Naruto hadn't expected to find—as he had been looking all day just to invite him—was Sasuke in the farthest corner, alone.

"Oiy, Sasuke-bastard, you're already here!" Naruto said, well on his way to being trashed (and sucker-punched, if he didn't stop shouting in Sasuke's ear.)

But Sasuke didn't mind, really, because Naruto couldn't know this was a crappy choice of days to throw a party. So he only shrugged and didn't glare as much as he wanted to when Naruto sat down at his side and proceeded to invite everyone else too.

"Drinks on me!" he hollered, smacking the table. "Oiy, barkeep! Bring a round or three of shots!"

As Sasuke was way past trashed and close to falling-down drunk, he didn't argue when Naruto shoved four his way and downed five all on his own. Within the next three hours, Sasuke was buffeted by sixteen different conversations at once (most of them by Naruto) cursing and shouting and bad juke-box choices…

But he didn't mind, really.

Near midnight, most of the bar had emptied and the only ones left at the table (besides Naruto and Sasuke) were Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji. Naruto was laughing far to loud and long for Kiba's joke, even if the dog-boy had forgotten the punchline. Sasuke had his head propped up on his hands, enjoying the mild ring in his ears and the way his body felt like it was sinking.

Then Naruto slung an arm around Sasuke, asking "Did you _hear_ that! How can you—that's the sickest thing you've said all night, dog-breath—how can you not _laugh—"_

"Dun care," Sasuke mumbled, shrugging out of the grip because he was still muscle-sore and bruised from where Naruto had landed training punches two days ago. "G'off…"

"Huh? Oiy, oiy, you ok?" Naruto slugged him sorta-gently. "Why you gotta be so stiff, anyway…"

Sasuke wiped the wince of pain from his face and took another shot to keep from slugging him back. "Hn. Sore."

"Shit—from what, two days ago? Hey, bastard, why didn't you say so!" Naruto exclaimed, scooting his chair behind Sasuke. "Turn, dammit! It's my birthday, but I'm feeling generous—"

Sasuke muttered some invective under his breath when Naruto took him by the shoulders, winced for at least two seconds—and then carefully pushed his sake out of his way to lay his head on the table. He wasn't going to argue with a backrub as smashed as he was, and Naruto didn't think anything of it.

Except everyone else did. (Mostly Kiba).

"Oh my _god_—" the dog-nin practically howled with laughter. "This—This—I can't believe this!"

Shikamaru, the only one still semi-sober, could only roll his eyes. "Big _deal_."

Sasuke glared at Kiba without lifting his head as Naruto pushed up along his spine. Grunted with the pressure and managed to flick him off.

"Dude!" Naruto protested, hands working faithfully. "You need more booze. What the hell is so funny?"

"—_happy ending!"_ was all that Kiba could manage, choking on his own hilarity before he could get the words out. He fell off the stool, and no one cared. Shikamaru snorted. Chouji got away with a giggle, and Naruto…

Well, Naruto was completely clueless. "What! Am I supposed to tell him a story or something? On second thought, Kiba, no more drinkage for you!" he shouted under the table (Sasuke almost kicked him because the hands had stopped, but didn't). "Hey, if you puke from laughing so much—"

"—_story!_" Kiba sputtered. "_Ohmygod_—"

Sasuke couldn't help it; he blamed it on the sake. He laughed, soft and blurred by alcohol, but he _laughed. _In front of _people._

The world was ending. He had proof; it wouldn't sit still.

"Okay, what the hell?" Naruto flexed his hands and set them to work on Sasuke's shoulders. "What the fuck is so funny? Even _Sasuke_'s laughing—my god, I must be drunker than I thought—"

"Do you _know_ what a happy ending is?" Shikamaru drawled, actually smirking, chin in hand.

"Of course I do!" There was a pause and Sasuke continued to snerk under his breath. "It's fairy-tale stuff…right?"

"—_fairy-tale—"_ Kiba guffawed from somewhere under the table, and Sasuke managed to kick him without moving anything more than his leg, still laughing.

"God," Naruto started to laugh himself. "Sasuke, how much have you _had?_"

Sasuke decided to tell him, and waved to the barkeep for his tab. He peered at the slip when it arrived, Naruto working on his lower back. "I've had…three. No. Wait. Five. I've had _five_ bottles of sake…and eight shots. I'm drunker than a…than…than you."

"Oh my _god_," Naruto started laughing for real, so hard he leaned his forehead between Sasuke's shoulderblades. "Shit, Sasuke, what's the occasion?"

"…the anniversary," Sasuke answered, knew that Naruto had felt him tense at the word. Then he kicked Kiba again for trying to use his leg as a napkin for drool.

"Hoooboy," Naruto said, before anyone else could question just what Sasuke wasn't celebrating. "Wow. Holy _shit,_ wow, I gotta get you home before you die or something—" even though his cheer was forced, no one questioned.

Sasuke didn't even mind when the hands stopped and Naruto pulled him off the chair and outside; he was vaguely aware of trying to turn around while Naruto waved and shouted goodbye. Then outside, the fresh air felt insanely wonderful. Naruto's hand and body felt warm and solid and even though Sasuke didn't stumble once, Naruto had his arm around his waist to support him.

The streets were dark, and Naruto wasn't as drunk as he seemed because he didn't have a problem navigating. "Your house?"

"_NO_," Sasuke protested louder than intended. Tried again. "No. I'll sleep on your couch."

"Okay, sure, invite yourself in…you're not gonna puke on it, are you? I'd have to kick your ass," Naruto rambled on as they followed the curve of the sidewalk. "Hey, what the hell was that happy-ending stuff, anyway? I think Kiba had a stroke—"

"Kicked him," Sasuke said to explain the bloody nose (and to avoid answering, but since he was drunk, it didn't work.)

"Ah. And the happy shit?"

"…not gonna ask you," Sasuke replied as clearly as possible. "Too drunk. I'd like it or something."

"Yeah, but what the hell _is _it?" Naruto protested. "Come on, tell me! What does a happy ending have to do with backrubs?"

Sasuke opened and closed his mouth three times before he could figure out an answer (without answering, of course.) "…I need to pee."

"…_man_, you're never drinking again with me again, do you hear?"

"Fuck you. I was there first."

Fifteen blocks later, half-a-song and one avoid-the-cracks game, they arrived at Naruto's building complex and Naruto began the dangerous task of balancing Sasuke while climbing stairs.

Then he dumped Sasuke in the bathroom and sprawled out on the couch. The absence of physical movement left him feeling dizzy, the alcohol a pleasant burning in his body. "You gonna answer me, now?" he asked when Sasuke's arms first appeared over the back of the couch, followed his head and upper body.

"Mmfhker," Sasuke replied, and just in case Naruto didn't catch it, gave him the bird. "You don't want to know, really."

"I do! I do want to know!"

Sasuke sighed and somehow landed on his back as he rolled over the couch, legs over an armrest. "Uhgh. No more couch-flippy."

"Hey, off my legs, bastard!" Naruto kicked and only managed to get an elbow too close to his groin to try it again. "You gonna tell me or what?"

"_No_," Sasuke protested in an embarrassed voice that didn't really protest. "It's…it's something you _do_," he mumbled. He was too drunk to care anymore.

"Oh come on…is it like some sort of chiropractic thing?" Struck by the idea, Naruto swung a leg and rolled onto the floor. "Hey, show me! Give me a backrub, and then I'll ask you, and you can show me!"

Sasuke thought it was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard the blond say, and told him so. Refused, violently refused with a fist to the back of the head even as he found himself straddling the narrow hips and legs.

Stupidest thing _he'd_ ever (silently) agreed to do, and watched how Naruto pulled the shirt off over his head without getting up. Interesting.

God, he was way too drunk for this and announced said-drunkness.

"Hey, I'm drunk too, dammit. Backrub me!"

And so, fighting with the fastens of his shirt until he got pissed and just ripped if off over his head like Naruto had, Sasuke set his hands to the tanned skin and blamed it thrice-fold on the alcohol.

It was better than going home, anyway…

Naruto made all _sorts_ of interesting noises, and since Sasuke (of course) knew what a happy-ending was, found his mind invariably thinking of Naruto's happy-noises that could quite possibly be identical to—

—maybe he shouldn't be thinking. Drunk people shouldn't have thoughts. Sasuke poked the blond in the side and told him to turn over. Naruto complied although Sasuke thought he could've waited until Sasuke wasn't straddling him to do so.

"Wait, so is it _both_ sides?" Naruto asked, eyes closed. He wasn't smiling, although there was a peculiar relaxed air to his features that Sasuke couldn't place at first…

Oh. It was an unguarded look. No fake smiles, no scowls, no shuttered eyes…

"No," Sasuke finally remembered to answer, and slid his hands along smooth pectoral muscle and ran his thumbs against the flesh just under the collarbone. "Don't sleep."

"Not sleeping," Naruto replied, eyes cracking until Sasuke could see the lazy blue. "What is it then?"

Sasuke stroked skin and kneaded muscle and didn't stop as he sighed, thanking his hair for hiding his face. "…you'd get off, stupid."

"What? _You're_ on top of _me, _so _you_ get off—"

"No, you'd _get off_ on it, dumbass!" Sasuke finally said, thumping the chest. "Like hand-job off!"

"Huh? Oh—Ohwha—" Naruto said with too-wide eyes and Sasuke could feel the thud-thump of his heart as it tried to assassinate his lungs. "You mean—oh—"

"Hn. Still want one?" Sasuke half-joked, and seriously considered suicide as his own voice echoed. Oh god, he _did_ say it. Why weren't his hands stopping? Stop, dammit…

"We are _way_ too drunk…" Naruto began and couldn't finish until the "…for real?" slipped out. Sasuke bet his entire fortune that Naruto was currently blaming the alcohol for that one, and indirectly answered…

…by blushing. Horribly. And Naruto could _see_.

But Naruto didn't hit him like Sasuke expected, nor did the blond try to get away. He only blinked, pink on the edges of his cheeks and slowly narrowing his eyes until they didn't look so shocked.

Dammit, why weren't his hands stopping? It didn't matter they shook very slightly when they reached the lowest part of Naruto's abdomen and traced the line of the hip as it curved. Sasuke cursed himself very quietly and the scowl he was trying to keep on his face shifted to a half-bitten lip and averted eyes.

"—I'm never getting this drunk again," Naruto replied in a funny-soft voice when Sasuke's hands fumbled open his pants. (Really, Sasuke had no idea how it happened). "I'd just keep on jumping you or something—"

Sasuke shut up him without warning, palming him through the underwear, dizzy and swearing to every god he knew that he wouldn't…let it go…any…further…

Oh dear. Stupid Naruto. Kisses and groping and hungry noises weren't in the deal…

Somehow, Sasuke never figured out _how _he managed it, the senbon knocked over the lamp and dipped them into half-drawn darkness. He blamed it on the alcohol for feeling stupid and shy…and blamed everything else on Naruto.

Really.

--

"mggodi'm_dying_," was the first thing Naruto mumbled into the pillow.

"…sh'tup," the pillow next to him said…

"_Ohmygod_," Naruto bolted upright, right out of bed and landed on his ass. "Fuckin—_Ow-ow-ow—_You're…" he rubbed the small of his back and winced through the hangover at Sasuke. "You're…still here?"

The only thing that moved was Sasuke's hand and his finger.

"Well, excuse me for thinking you'd run off first thing…" Naruto mumbled too loudly.

Sasuke threw the pillow at him and glared with bleary eyes and mussed hair. "You owe me breakfast…and lunch," he amended huffily. "For _a week_."

"What? _Why_?"

"Because."

"Asshole."

"Exactly."

"Huwha! Oh—_oh_—uh, sure. A week." A pause. "Why…a week?"

"One for every _time_," Sasuke snapped, and threw the alarm clock at Naruto for hiding the smug little smile and blamed it on the hangover for feeling happy that it hit him in the head.

FIN

A/n – heee. I loved writing this. XD Wrote it up while I'm waiting for Surge-6 to get back from my awesome/random beta. XD…don't ask where it came from…I've had the idea of the 'wtf is happy ending?' for a while…and well, it's always fun to write Sasuke off-his-ass drunk. XD

Yes. Surge will be up by the end of the week. Guaranteed. XD


End file.
